I’m writing this article mid-flight. I went to Canada for a visit with family and friends. So, for the beginning of the New Year, I was out of my comfort zone and felt little inspiration to write. I was also consumed with the fear of my impending journey back home. Therefore, as I’m sitting here on that flight back home to Japan, I started thinking about comfort zones and fear. These are two opposing concepts. There is no fear in one’s comfort zone. Fear has no place there, because usually where fear exists, there’s no comfort.
Our Response to Fear
According to psychiatrists, fear is a natural emotion and a survival mechanism that aids in protecting us from danger. However, how we respond to that real or perceived danger is what sets us apart.
The Harvard Review Psychiatry states that there are two responses to fear, biochemical and emotional. The biochemical response is universal and the emotional depends on the individual. The biochemical reaction is a physical reaction that may include sweating, increased heart rate and heightened adrenaline levels that make us extremely alert. The emotional response is dependent on the person and how they view fear. Some view it as bad and others view it as good, for instance, adrenaline junkies and horror movie lovers. So that colors our perception of fear.
I think, fear, though a natural thing, can be dangerous. It can freeze us into a state of inaction and keep us there for as long as we allow it. My most recent brush with fear is the one I’m experiencing at the moment, as I write. It is my fear of flying. This fear is quite new for me. It arose a month ago and then in a very short time, grew into what could be considered full on panic attacks when I thought of flying again.
Love of travel
I love travelling. There is a previous blog in which I share just how much I love it. However, I was never a fan of flying. It was just the means to an end. The end being, seeing and experiencing a new place, culture and people. Travelling brings me joy, renews my spirit and is just basically an all-round good time for me. The flying and the airport portion of it was just what I had to endure to get to the good stuff. I just never focused on it much and tried not to overthink it. But something happened recently that has pushed this negative part of travelling to the forefront of my mind. It is all due to the experience I had on my previous flight.
Fearful flight
I booked the flight without paying much attention to the type of plane or the seating, which is the way I have always done it, to be honest. Prior to this, I guess I was just always lucky. I would always book the cheapest flights, but I had never gotten terrible seats before. This time, however, luck was not on my side. The seats on the flight were so packed together there was barely any leg room. While sitting normally, my knees were touching the back of the seat in front of me. There was absolutely no space. I’m a tall person and most of my height is from my legs. So, I had no room to stretch, no room to move. I immediately felt trapped and claustrophobic, and that was before the flight had begun its 13-hour journey, and it did not get better after that.
Takeoffs and landings are usually the worst for me, and this might be the same for most people. My ears get blocked. I have to clench and unclench my teeth to clear it, which doesn’t always work. I worry whether the pilot will make it or not. Basically, it can be a little frightening. On that particular flight, the landing was made even worst by the nausea and claustrophobia I had already been experiencing for thirteen hours. I felt like I was having a panic attack. I knew I was about to throw up and I tried to concentrate on keeping it down. But the landing was a rough one, which made it difficult. The plane took a while to hit the ground. But as soon as I felt it hit the surface, it was as though my body could no longer keep it together. The nausea I was trying to keep at bay, all came out in the paper bag I was holding. But it didn’t stop after one bag, it continued, and I needed another, and let me tell you, it was not a clean transfer. It was a messy one with that stuff getting everywhere. After it was all out, I must say I felt much better. But the shame, well that stayed. I was seated in the middle seat and the people beside me were looking at me like I had the plague. They were also trying their best to stay as far away from me as possible, while still remaining seated. It was terrible.
I felt lighter after getting rid of almost half the liquid in my body. But emotionally and mentally I was scarred. Everyone was looking. Everyone was politely trying to cover their disgust or their embarrassment or their laughter. The good thing is that this happened as the plane was landing, so I didn’t have to stay there too long with the evidence of my shame. As I shamefully disembarked from the aircraft everyone made way for me and cleared a path for the ‘contaminated one’.
Taking control
So, since then, understandably, every time I thought of flying, I felt sick to my stomach and afraid. It took me a while to book the flight I’m on now, even though I knew it had to be done. Surprisingly, however, now that I’m on the flight, I feel quite fine. The seats on this aircraft are bigger and there is ample space between my legs and the seat before me. Hello, leg room, where have you been?
But imagine if I had allowed the fear to prevent me from ever flying again. Then I would have missed out on the fun I normally have when I travel. Possibly, if I had allowed it, it could’ve become a real phobia for me. But I cannot allow this one thing to ruin something that is a big part of my life that I truly enjoy.
Comfort or fear
Sometimes it’s easier to accept something than it is to attempt to change it. Especially when it is something you fear. Comfort zones are great, and as I stated before, fear doesn’t belong there. So, what’s not to love? But what if your comfort zone is holding you back, because it makes it easy for you to never face those fears? Sometimes we become so comfortable with our lives of mediocrity, or our minds full of insecurities and unfulfilled dreams, or our bodies of weakness and unhealthiness that we forget that this isn’t all there is to our lives. Our real lives, the one we deserve to live, exists outside of our comfort zones. I know now you’re thinking, ‘Outside? ... but… that’s where our fears and insecurities are exposed’. That’s true, and I understand the hesitation, but it is also where we will find the thrill of life, love, fulfillment, passion and joy. And what is life without these things?
I have been trying to do this as well. I step out of my comfort zone, by trying new things as much as possible, by meeting new people, and with every new blog post. Honestly, it has been a bit scary for me, and not because I don’t like doing these things. But because they involve me facing fears that I’ve held on to for such a long time that they have become a part of who I am. But I would like to finally let them go. The realization that if I don’t try it, it will never be done, is also a great motivating factor for me. It is scarier than the fear itself. The fact that if I don’t step out of my comfort zone, I could live my entire life without ever attempting some of the beautiful things that I want to do, is very scary. If that were the case, it would mean that I never would’ve traveled. I would never have met the friends I now have from all over the world. I would never have written a sentence. And I would never have reached you, the person that’s reading this right now. And what a shame that would’ve been. That fact is enough to scare me out of complacency.
Conclusion
My experience with my fear of flying, may have been short lived but I use it as motivation for the bigger fears that plague me every day. I have to face them in order to move pass them. So, for 2020, I say let’s not give into our fears, whether real or imagined. We will step boldly into 2020 with hearts girded and with shields, if we need them. Let’s never back down. Whether this be a fear of the future, fear of moving on, fear of starting over, or fear of failure. We need to face them, so we can move past them and grow.
I know this will not be easy but understand that you are not alone. We all have our individual fears and our own crosses to bear, and, in that knowledge, take strength that we are all fighting together. I know it’s not the beginning of the year, but you can make a new start now. You can also start over anytime of the year, and as many times as is necessary. There are no limits on what you can do. Success and happiness lie beyond our fears. Let’s fight for it and never let go.
Sources
Kozlowska K, Walker P, McLean L, Carrive P. Fear and the Defense Cascade: Clinical Implications and Management. Harv Rev Psychiatry. 2015;23(4):263–287. doi:10.1097/HRP.0000000000000065
Fritscher, Lisa. “The Psychology of Fear. Verywellmind.com. November 7. 2019. https://www.verywellmind.com/the-psychology-of-fear-2671696
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